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Category Archives for "Jeremy Creager"

Dec 25

Tear-The-House Down Primal Screams

By Jeremy Creager | Jeremy Creager , Notes from My Journal , Personal Growth , Shadow Work

(Disclaimer: This is past writings from my personal journaling that I am sharing with you here on my blog, so I may or may not be in the same place/space as I was back then when I wrote it and most likely have done lots of deep healing and growth from then till present day.

I share to offer inspiration for your own journeys as well as to witness the healing, growth and progress within myself, also to be seen, heard, felt and loved in my openness and vulnerability, as well as practicing improvements in my writing abilities… Thank you for your love and support.)

(Image below was found at this Site)

1361912905_Screaming - Agony

My Journal Notes from December 9, 2013

Jeremy Dylan Creager

I have done a tear-the-house down primal scream a few times in the last few months, one even out at the beach at the break of dawn right as the sun was about to come up.

I look forward to the next time I make the safe time and place to do it again and go deeper and deeper into my anger and rage.

As I find it so rewarding to release and let go of all that energy I did not even know I have stuffed deep down there hiding from myself and the world.

Hiding behind the masks of showing everyone that I am alright and that I am such a happy person, when instead I have been living a lie for so long.

I am now just beginning to get to know my true self and remembering who I truly am.

It has been hard for me to reach my grief and feel my sadness, but this is a way I have found to get there.

Only thing is when I play full out I tend to loose my voice for a few days after but it always comes back and I also become lighter energetically.

I become brighter and my space is cleaner each time.

I feel I have so much more to release and let go of, meaning I can’t wait to see who I am when I find all of the love within me is and becomes all of me.

I VOTE MY VICTORY!
I VOTE ALL OF YOUR VICTORY’S!!!

Thanks for loving me, I love you back.

Thanks for supporting me, I am here to support you back.

 

Questions for your own journey:
In what constructive ways do you release your anger?
Do you create safe time and space to express your rage?
What is your anger and rage from at its core?

If you want to find a Mentor to help you process your anger and rage and other emotions stuck in your body, then go here: Hara/Womb Awakening Mentors

Many Blessings,
Jeremy Creager

 

PS. If you like this post please leave a comment below!

Dec 24

Dropping Down Into My Hara, I Want to Ask For Forgiveness

By Jeremy Creager | Jeremy Creager , Notes from My Journal , Personal Growth

(Disclaimer: This is past writings from my personal journaling that I am sharing with you here on my blog, so I may or may not be in the same place/space as I was back then when I wrote it and most likely have done lots of deep healing and growth from then till present day.

I share to offer inspiration for your own journeys as well as to witness the healing, growth and progress within myself, also to be seen, heard, felt and loved in my openness and vulnerability, as well as practicing improvements in my writing abilities… Thank you for your love and support.)

2014-06-18 21.00.42

Journaling Notes from Wednesday 11/20/2013

Jeremy Dylan Creager

If what I truly want is Divine Sacred Union with my Twin Soul, (yet to paint a picture of what that truly means and feels like to me) would that not mean I need to be celibate until I reunite physically with her again in this life?

And does that also mean I would need to really give up for good my love/hate/lust for Mary Jane and the long relationship I have had with her from the age of 15 (I’m 33 now)? That’s more then half my life partaking this seductive feminine plant.

I am scared I can’t control myself. that I don’t have the discipline and strength to channel my sexual energy when I get horny, and use the energy in a constructive and creative way.

I feel deep sadness, and not worthy in this present moment to have the true love I long for.

I have always loved women and the feminine, “so I thought”, but right now tears are falling from my eyes as I feel shame for lusting over women in a way that has not served me to my fullest potential, in the past.

I was taken off the Womb Apprenticeship program, I think because I am not safe as my intentions are not always pure. Although in the past I have lied to myself and to others saying that I come from a place of love, and that is not always the case. but I want it to be.

As I now at 1:21am in the morning, drop down into my Hara, I want to ask for forgiveness…

Please forgive me for using you (women), for using you for sex, even paying for sex, for watching women in porn being degraded misused and abused, for not honoring you, for disrespecting you, for not loving you fully, for misleading you, for not holding you as sacred and Divine.

I feel shame and not worthy of your love.

Again I ask for your gentle support.

I thank you all.

I feel the back of my heart Chakra is guarded and the front of my heart is heavy soft and to open.

I thinks its almost one and a half years after my separation with my ex wife of 3 years (6 year relationship), I have seen myself look at any pretty women, looking for “the one” in all of them, and if they liked me at all, I would act as if they were the one, unless or until she or the universe proved me wrong or showed me she is not the one.

But until I was clear on that I have lead them and myself on.

All the while still doing what I can to “get sex” from them in the meantime.

I don’t want to do this anymore.

My Hara is now telling me to breathe and take it easy on myself.

I’m sure there is a lot more deeper I can go, but for now this is okay.

Thank you for letting me share and for reading what I have to say.

 

Questions on your journey to ask yourself:
In what ways do you find forgiveness for yourself and others?
What is it that you feel you need to forgive within and to others?

In fear and love,
Jeremy

PS. I am scared to post this. but if your reading it, then I just did. :) So please leave your comments and share this post if you like.

Also Like and follow me on my Facebook fan page here: http://JeremyFanPage.com

Dec 19

I Ask God/Universe/Source Energy/Love To Crack Open My Heart

By Jeremy Creager | Jeremy Creager , Notes from My Journal , Personal Growth

(Disclaimer: This is past writings from my personal journaling that I am sharing with you here on my blog, so I may or may not be in the same place/space as I was back then when I wrote it and most likely have done lots of deep healing and growth from then till present day.

I share to offer inspiration for your own journeys as well as to witness the healing, growth and progress within myself, also to be seen, heard, felt and loved in my openness and vulnerability, as well as practicing improvements in my writing abilities… Thank you for your love and support.)

9-15-2013 Notes From My Journaling

In my process and evolution to be more in alignment with my passion soul vocation and also let the universe know I am ready to receive Divine sacred union with my beloved soulmate/twin-flame. :)

I ask God/Universe/Source Energy/Love to crack open my heart.

Please let me own all of my anger and rage, and let me release it in a constructive way that service me and the greater good of all.

I have named this inner rage I feel inside, The Hulk, It scares me and I am ok with my fear so I welcome it and bring it into the light.

I squeeze my fists and yell and scream as I beat the billows in front of me.

I play full out, and am full of energy moving through my body

At first I have a hard time with linking this energy to an emotion yet I go through the motions of release and letting go to move it out of me.

I cry and welcome my tears.

I ask God/Universe/Source Energy/Love to let me feel my pain, grief and sadness.

Allow me to cry and let tears fall from my face daily.

Please forgive me for all my past wronging’s to others and self.

Please call me on all my shit, bring to light my shadows so that I can be aware and face my ego.

Let me know true love at the deepest level.

Let me feel not only my shame but the shame of the collective, but please give me the strength to transcend it and move beyond with love and grace.

Set me free, give me guidance and my truth path.

I call forth the knowing to deliver my value my gifts to those that are ready for it.

I invite my heart to crack open, to poor out a never ending waterfall of Divine deep true LOVE.

I welcome many gifts from the universe and am open to receive abundance in all areas of my life.

I surrender to that which is best for me, for my soul and for the greater good of all.

 

Thank you,

 

in LOVE & Light,

Jeremy Creager

 

PS. Please feel free to share this post and leave your comments below!

Oct 29

Now With Completion Crack My Heart Open And Let Come What May!

By Jeremy Creager | FREEdom , Jeremy Creager , Personal Growth , Relationships , Unconditional Love

Now with completion…

I welcome new energies of more love and innocence…

With the doors of completion closed with and in love behind me I stand in an open field of new possibilities…

Freedom from emotional shackles that no longer tied me down or hold me back…

I look in front of me into the unknown and all I see is guaranteed more love for me…

With help from my dear friends I now know that my authentic vulnerability is perfect protection and empowering to me…

I have learned a deeper level of forgiveness within me and and that I now have for others…

I am filled with gratitude for I am grateful for all the pain and how it all went down because it has led me to where I am at now, the pain has showed me my way on this path deep into the depths of my shadows where I have found healing and growth that I was not able to be consciously aware of before…

I feel inner peace…
My heart is open with love and filling up more and more with more love…

Today was a blessed day!
And tomorrow will be too!

I pray that all those who love and support me are blessed 10 fold and then a hundred times over again…

Thank you…

Many blessings,
Jeremy Dylan Creager

PS. Crack my heart open and let come what may!

Authentic vulnerability is perfect protection. ~ Francisco Jara

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Oct 26

Its A Lie That Boys Don’t Cry!

By Jeremy Creager | Jeremy Creager , Unconditional Love

Hello friends,

I saw this video on facebook so I had to share and write a little bit as well, down below the video for you.

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#StartWithTheBoys ​- A film by Vinil Mathew starring Madhuri Dixit for #VogueEmpower

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How many times as little boys are we told not to cry?
That boys don’t cry…
Be a man, stop crying like a little girl.

Or this one I also remember…
You want to cry, I’ll give you something to cry about.

Good thing I never listened to that crap!

As a man I cry!
The little boy within me still cries!
I welcome my tears…
I cry with conscious intention and unintentionally!

Crying brings healing… crying releases sadness and grief and stuck energy…
I cry for all my hurts and pains and I cry for the wounds of this world for the collective.

I cry for forgiveness and to be forgiven…

I cry in love and joy!

I cannot shed enough tears so Come What May as I face my fears!

I cry to be seen as human, and I cry to feel more like a man with feelings!

I cry for my brothers and sisters, for their joy and their suffering.

I cry with compassion…

I cry because I care!

With many tears and blessings,
Jeremy Creager

 

PS. Share if you care!

Oct 24

Poetry ~ The Path To Love And Innocence

By Jeremy Creager | Jeremy Creager , Poetry , Shadow Work

Behind every fear there is love.
I send a message to all those who are dear, attached to a beautiful white dove flying up above.

For every shadow brings a gift and an enlightened state of being.
I see you in your darkness and that’s OK with me.

Yes it is positive thinking that allows me to say put me in hell and I’ll make a heaven out of it.

For I can find the beauty behind the evil mind and every time someone crosses below the integrity line.

As I stand in bravery and call forth the courage to face my inner demons and slay the dragons that were passed down from generation’s of ancestral baggage.

I used to think that I didn’t have to blink an eye if I wore a smile on my face until I realized that it was just a lie of how I was really feeling deep inside.

I was a master of positive thinking but I did not see myself hiding behind the masks of my own deception.

But in my waking from the betrayal in my own reflection.

For I have only begun to feel this journey of what the heart knows to be real.

It’s still and always will be connected to the collective pain we all must heal.

So I welcome my fears, I embrace my shadows for this is the path to love and innocence as we shed our tears.

Blessings,

Jeremy Creager
Jeremy Dylan Creager

PS. Please share and leave your comments below! :) thank you!

Oct 23

~ My Sexual Shadow Desires and Dissatisfaction ~

By Jeremy Creager | Jeremy Creager , Personal Growth , Relationships , Sexuality Awareness , Shadow Work

Here is my writing for today as my heart pounds in fear to share this with you all…

Been really feeling this intense energetic pain in my chest for the last 2 weeks and so looking forward to moving through and past this energy, so really hoping that sharing this shadow out in the light will help release it.

My apologies for how long this one is, normally I try to shorten them but this is all that just needed to be said.

Here you go, enjoy!

~ My Sexual Shadow Desires and Dissatisfaction ~

I feel this shadow is really hard for me to drop into and write about right now…

This one brings up shame and wants to stay in secrecy.

And yet I also in the past have written about this before a few times.

So let me drop down into this shadow of sexual desires and dissatisfaction as i call forth to feel it fully.

In this stage of my life at age 34 as a single man that has been consciously working on my relationship with this specific shadow for quite a while now.

I feel at times intensely both the desire to explore deeper into these shadows and on the other side I feel the pure innocent desire to transcend these sexual shadows and return back to love and innocence with my relationship to women and the feminine both within and without.

Hence this writing process of open honest vulnerability speaking my truth around these shadows…

One of the first things that is coming up for me is my physical sexual desires for some of my female friends (that I feel are not my beloved twin soul), but yet a desire at times for them because they are sexy and beautiful physically to me as well as the friendship and already quality connection we have.

On many levels at least in the past, given the right time and space I am/have been open to connect with almost any woman sexually just for the pure physical pleasure of it.

But I also want heart connection with love as I know that kind of sexual experiences for me are the best with someone of loving connection on a heart and soul level is the best for me.

Ultimately I know deep down I truly want true love sacred union with my divine partner soulmate twin flame loving intimacy and only this kind of sexual connection with my beloved.

I feel that my sexual shadow desires has in the past sometimes wanted to play with lower vibrational frequency women without heart and soul connection for fear of getting hurt emotionally, so in some ways it has felt safe to connect sexually with women I know I would not “fall for” in a romantic relationship way…

As I write this I am feeling I want to drop down deeper into this, into these feelings and into these shadows.

Into the forbidden, into the taboo, into the socially conditioned shamefulness of sexual desires.

Into the seduction and manipulation of women to “get” sex…

Into paying for a woman’s body for sexual connection and release.

Into the shadow desire of sexually using a woman and her body…

Into just the idea of and my desire of watching porn, even the kind of forced sex, rape for the wanting to punish her to punish the feminine, or even the idea of using her body sexually when she is sleeping and passed out…

Why, what is the attraction for all this and for gang banging and degrading, miss using and abusing a woman sexually?

Why does part of me want & desire the pure innocence and loving sexual connection with a woman and another part of me, the shadow part of me wants no heart, soul and emotional connection but rather desires only physical limited pleasure and gratification in a way that perceives Women without souls, but instead just their bodies used as possessions for a man’s pleasure.

Is this not sickening?
What is this evil inside of me, inside of a mans psyche?

I so deeply in my darkest shadow desire sex from women, to cover up, to hide from, and suppress down, ironically my anger pain and sadness with and around my relationship to women and the feminine.

For all the times I was hurt and felt betrayed, left, cheated on and abandoned by women in my life, for all the times I was not wanted, not desired back, was used for my good heart but teased by there sexual wilds with no intentions of really connecting with me on a sexual level…

Look but no touch…
Tease but no play…

So many women will “give it up” for money but not for love or intimacy… I mean really, how easy is it for a man to wave fucking cash in some women’s faces to get them to have sex, but tell them your open to a loving sexual connection for the fun and pleasure of it, and its like I am the evil one, the creep, the weird guy or the poor lustful man that they can use and manipulate to get what they want.

All that plus more built up inside of me, the pain sadness and anger in my heart.

I in my wounded space just want sex to take it out on women with lower level sexual interactions, because I feel lost, helpless, confused, hopeless, lonely, desperate, not worthy, unloved, shameful, and betrayed by the women in my life and the women of this world.

All of this brings up Dissatisfaction within and for me…

As awesome, wonderful, beautiful learning growth lessons I have had with women in my life and the relationships I have had in the past, that still there is this level of dissatisfaction that makes me mad for the pain and sadness I feel in my heart and soul…

Even when I have acted out of my sexual shadow desires with women over and over again and again even with some of the physical gratification yet still and always there is that underlining dissatisfaction I feel.

To me sex almost always feels good on a physical level but without love present there is always a feeling of dissatisfying feeling afterwards and sometime during and before the act.

This also includes self pleasuring as well for me…

As much as I have grown to be discussed with porn, yet I still have not been fully able to let it go and this brings dissatisfaction to me as well.

It’s like this endless downward spiral cycle of dissatisfaction in my chest heart space that I want to suppress pushed down and numb by having more dissatisfying sex without love and true intimacy that in turn just adds to and builds more of the same uncomfortable feeling in my heart and chest.

Dissatisfaction that I have not yet healed these sexual shadows within me.

Dissatisfaction for the collective programing and conditioning within our society of these sexual shadow desires that we are born into and including all the sexual abuse passed down within our cellular memory DNA…

The anger and sadness about all this in my heart is dissatisfying to me.

What these Sexual Shadow Desires and Dissatisfactions are trying to save me from is fully feeling all the pain within around my feeling of disconnect with the feminine…

It’s trying to save me from being more hurt by women and my relationship with them…

It’s trying to save me from surrendering in what has seemed to be (and in my judgment generally speaking) a unsafe world of women that are mostly conditioned to be not loyal and unfaithful, not honest even to themselves and insecure selfish little girls that don’t know what they want trapped in a woman’s body repressed of their own personal power trying to manipulate their way out within their own anger and rage towards men that they don’t trust…

It’s trying to save me from “falling in love” with the wrong woman again…

It’s trying to save me from healing and growing to a level where I would give up and not at all want to play in any of my sexual shadow realms again, for fear of loss or the illusion of loss, as in loss of sexual opportunities that I would no longer be interested in from a state of true love and innocence.

What my Sexual Shadow Desires and Dissatisfactions want the world to know that I am not perfect, that I feel deep pain of separation to the feminine and for the true longing for divine feminine union with sacred masculine both within and without.

It wants the world to know that I want forgiveness, that I want to be forgiven and that I want to forgive my past relationships, and the women and the feminine in my life I feel hurt from.

It wants the world to know that I am sorry for all my wrong doing with my sexual shadows.

It wants the world to know that I am scared of true love as much as I long for it, that I won’t recognize it if it was standing in front of me.

My sexual shadow desires and dissatisfactions needs safety, needs to be honored and loved, needs forgiveness, needs to be nurtured, held, excepted and supported in healing of growth back home to love and innocence.

In my body this sexual shadow desires and dissatisfactions feels like intense energetic emotional pain, sharp deep and heavy in my chest like an endless black whole, a void missing the one and only true thing that matters in life, true love and connection to pure innocence with my beloved and the divine feminine in union with sacred masculine, both and first within me and without.

It feels exhausted and tired in my arms and legs…

If feels like a burning in my upper chest and throat…

It feels like shame behind my eyes.

The color of this sexual shadow desires and dissatisfactions for me is blood Red and Black.

Thank you for letting me share this journey of my sexual shadow desires and dissatisfactions with you.

Many Blessings,
Jeremy Dylan Creager

 

PS. As always I welcome your comments, questions and feedback below, and feel free to share as well. Thank you!

Oct 19
1

My Shadow Fear, of Not Being Worthy of Love

By Jeremy Creager | Jeremy Creager , Personal Growth , Relationships , Shadow Work

Jeremy Creager A journey on the dark side where my shadows hide my fear of not being worthy of love…

More pain in my heart, my body shakes and is petrified scared to death that I will die alone without true love sacred union in my life.

For all the times I saw the beauty in a woman and desired her love to be mine, then consumed with what seems like endless rejection followed by more pain inside.

If I had a dime for all the times they said I wasn’t their “type” I would be a rich man but still lonely every night.

For all the relationships I have been in and gave all of my love to them waiting for them to meet me in the depths of my heart but instead eventually feeling like my heart was being ripped apart as so many of them left me for another man.

How can I be worthy of love if I can not find a woman to love me for all that I am?

Yes I know that I won’t attract this woman into my life until I love me for all that I am…

But sometimes its just so hard to love me with all my shadows and egoic patterns of an insecure man…

How can i be worthy of love if I am not that smart, if I am to short, going bald, not rich and don’t have six pack abs?

Why would I be worthy of love if I am lazy at times, if I make poor financial investments and if I cry from the pain I feel inside, the sadness and madness that I project out onto the world but is really just mine?…

I don’t feel worthy of love when I lust for sex, for a woman’s body when there’s no heart connection yet I still want to be inside…

I don’t feel worthy of love when I am not clear on my life mission and soul fulfilling sacred vocation…

I don’t feel worthy of love when I am scared to face all of my fears, and when I hide behind masks of illusions terrified of others judgments and opinions of me….

My fear of not being worthy of love is trying to save me from disappointment, embarrassment and shame of my insecurities…

It’s trying to save me from being hurt again, from more pain in my heart and being let down again…

This fear of not being worthy of love is trying to save me from my vulnerability and tender heart being taken advantage of…

This fear of not being worthy of love is trying to save me from the struggle and strength and courage it must take to heal my deep wounds that get in the way for me to feel worthy of true love sacred divine union.

My shadow fear of not being worthy of love wants the world to know that I am imperfect and want to be loved for all of who I am.

It wants the world to know that even with my fears of not being worthy of love, I truly know that I am worthy of love even in all my shadows and fears.

It wants the world to know that I am love and I have so much love to give, and that it is my deepest desire to be loved and to love fully my beloved in sacred union and divine partnership.

My fear of not being worthy of love needs me to surrender deeper into this fear and nurture it with love, in love and for love.

It needs safety and trust in myself and in others to except me fully for all that I am…

It needs to know that I am not alone in this fear and that the collective shares this with me and cares for me and heals with me the more we love ourselves…

In my body this fear of not being worthy of love feels like a caving in and gaping black hole in my chest…

Not being worthy of love feels like a deep sharp pain in my heart…

A heaviness of shame on my four head and eyelids, arms week and tingly shaky hands sweaty…

This feeling of not being worthy of love makes me feel vulnerable in my heart, shame in my belly and weak in my legs.

The color of this fear of not being worthy of love, to me looks like green and orange.

Thank you for letting me share with you my shadow fears of not being worthy of love,

Many Blessings back to being worthy of love,

Jeremy Creager up in a tree

Jeremy Creager
PS. Please share and leave your comments below!

Thanks

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