Category Archives for "Relationships"

Dec 27

Quotes ~ Little Bits And Pieces From The Movie: Kate & Leopold

By Jeremy Creager | Notes from My Journal , Relationships

(Journal Disclaimer: This is past writings from my personal journaling that I am sharing with you here on my blog, so I may or may not be in the same place/space as I was back then when I wrote it and most likely have done lots of deep healing and growth from then till present day.

I share to offer inspiration for your own journeys as well as to witness the healing, growth and progress within myself, also to be seen, heard, felt and loved in my openness and vulnerability, as well as practicing improvements in my writing abilities… Thank you for your love and support.)


My Journaling Notes from Sunday 12-29-2013
Jeremy Dylan Creager

One of my mentors, Azra recommended a movie for me to watch: “watch the movie Kate and Leopold – a little cheesy in moments, but there is an essence in Leopold that you will appreciate”.

…and so I did and I took notes that I wanted to share with you all.

Quotes, little bits and pieces, from Kate & Leopold movie: (really just from Leopold)

“Give me your hand, your hand woman!”

Marriage is the promise of eternal love, as a man of honor I cannot promise eternally what I have not felt momentarily.

We are not courting and if we were I would have informed you of my intentions in writing.

Give me your hand, your hand women.

Everything plays a fast to you… Women respond to sincerity, this requires pulling ones tung from ones cheek, no one wants to be romanced by a buffoon.

You’re elating calculations upon comedy, the point is to keep the ball in your court.

Think of pleasing her, not vexing her.

Perhaps Kate resists on moral grounds… Some feel that to court a women in ones employ is nothing more then a serpentine effort to transform a lady into a whore.

Dearest Catherine, 
I behaved as an imbecile last night, and I made it in part by drink, in part by your beauty, and in part by my own foolish pride. And for that, I am profoundly sorry. Please accept as a gesture of apology, a private dinner on the rooftop tonight at eight’o clock. 
Yours truly 


Love is a leap.


Brave is simple, those with the clearest vision of what is before them. Glory and danger alike and not withstanding go out to meet it.

When one finds oneself participating in an endeavor entirely without merit, one withdraws.

What has happened to the world? You have every convenience, every comfort yet no time for integrity.

…More of his essence was in his presence not in the words of my notes, but I liked those enough to write down and share with you all.

Many Blessings,
Jeremy Creager
PS. Please leave your comments below and share the post with your friends and loved ones! …And to find an awesome mentor to guide you along your journey, go here: Hara and Womb Mentors
Dec 27

To The Pure Precious White Dove You Are Loved!

By Jeremy Creager | Relationships

heart love dove

found the image from this site:


Have I told you yet that I am captivated by your beauty?

Your deep presence is mesmerizing to me…

A stillness in your soul I see in your eyes that takes me by surprise…

I long to breathe face-to-face eye gazing deeply with every breath we take uniting in a love space that cannot be denied…

I wish to know all your shadows so that I may offer to hold them all within love…

I love the joy and aliveness I see in you dear be loved…

Witnessing your innocence is a great gift I hold in honoring you, like a pure precious white dove…

Such a lovely smile you have, has me wanting to know and hear your laughter too…

Any what if anything could I do to bring more smiles, laughter, joy and love to you?

I wonder what you wonder and ponder about when you look within and out into the universe for the mysteries of your heart to be fulfilled…

When you gaze upon the beauty of mother earth I wish to know the love you feel inside as your breath is swept away by the profoundness of life…

I see no separation of the Divine from that witch is you and the beautiful nature of Gaia you sit on top of, in front of, in-between and behind…

I see the visionary in you when you look up into the sky, you bring hope, love and gratitude from with-in-side…

I give thanks for your grace and bravery in shining so bright as the stars at night that light up the dark sky…

Loving your sweetness that protects all you hold close in your heart till the end of time…

Did I say your beautiful in my eyes, well you are but I meant I would still see your beauty even if I was blind and I could not see the outline of your lips when you smile or your eyelashes that attract one to the twinkles in your eyes that lead to the gateway of your soul and the reflection of mine.

There is nothing I need to get from you, I only desired to shine and shower my love and light upon you like the sun offering warmth to awaken all the cold corners of the night…

If you called, I would be here to hold sacred safe space for anytime you wished to close your eyes, to let go and be completely free in the arms of a loving and un-perfect Grail Knight…

With no expectations I am full of appreciation for your presence, for my expression and of this Divine session of whatever life lesson is given through this blessing of our connection…

Thank you for being beautiful, thank you for loving me,

Jeremy Creager
Jeremy Creager


PS. Thanks for reading :) and hope you liked it!

Dec 26

To my Divine Partner – Sacred Union – My Deep Longing For The Feminine

By Jeremy Creager | Notes from My Journal , Relationships , Sexuality Awareness , Shadow Work

(Disclaimer: This is past writings from my personal journaling that I am sharing with you here on my blog, so I may or may not be in the same place/space as I was back then when I wrote it and most likely have done lots of deep healing and growth from then till present day.

I share to offer inspiration for your own journeys as well as to witness the healing, growth and progress within myself, also to be seen, heard, felt and loved in my openness and vulnerability, as well as practicing improvements in my writing abilities… Thank you for your love and support.)

(Image below was found on this site!)


My Journaling Notes from Friday 12-27-2013

My dear beloved oh how it has been a journey…
Each and every day I long for you…
Some days are better then others…
Life brings me ups and downs…
Emotions of all sorts comes and goes like waves…

I may not have always known it, but I have been searching for you all my life.
I know the truth that you are already with me and we are one, yet I drive myself crazy sometimes looking within every pretty women to see if your there.

I scan each room I enter looking for you. I wait to meet you in the women (in every woman I have ever met) that can really meet me deep enough to melt our souls into one again.

In my longing for Divine Union I have lusted over many beautiful women, I have paid for Tantric “spiritual massages with happy endings” bodywork, I have jacked-off to porn off and on for years, I have paid for sex multiple times.

I have seduced women with my charm into having sex with me thinking I’m doing it with a kind (really just wounded) heart, I have tricked past lovers into creating circle relationships all in the name of love, I have attracted friends with benefits, I have attended many sexuality workshops looking for a, the connections that would lead me to you.

I feel lost, desperate and weak at times.
I struggle with self-discipline and feel out of control sometimes with my sexual energy and desires. My shadow side wants to just settle with “getting laid”.

For Example: Hitting on the cute young women at the coffee stand that I go to in the morning dose not feel right as I know they are not my twin flame, just by looking into there eyes, as pretty as they are. My drive to sleep with them is not pure or with pure love.
Paying for sex seems the easiest for my ego, but feels in the least alignment for Divine Union attraction work.
Finding a “friend with benefits” also does not feel so sacred either. Even with a soul/friend/mate that knows we are not twin flames and wants only a non-sexual friendship.

I want to remain open in love and not closed off to having sex and making love, I want it to be sacred and Divine.

I have been a very sexual and open person most of my life.

Yet I also have a dark shadow side I am working on bringing more light to.

This is why I am sharing this, because as I work on opening up my heart more and more, I get waves of sexual desires that hit every few days or for many days on end even.

Dear Divine Lover,
please support me…
please send me your love and strength so I may be strong…
my heart cry’s in pain and I feel even sadder knowing you can also feel the pain in my heart as well.
I am here ready for you and your unconditional love you have for all of me.
The front of my heart space feels so heavy with deep pain and sadness.
I want to be strong for you.
My love I long to hold you and to be in your arms…
I long for your softness, your joy, your beauty and compassion…
you are my Angel, my Divine light, and I thank you for blessing me with your healing halos that cleanse my space…
I long for our sacred connection into the deep pure love that we are…

I pray that you are all right, that you are OK, that all is well with you. I pray that we will know each other without a doubt when we look into each other’s eyes, when we feel our energy fields collide in physical space.


I pray that your heart does not hurt like mine dose…

I pray you are full of joy and loving life to the fullest…

I pray that you lose yourself in music and dance…

I pray you enjoy the beauty of mother earth as often as you can.

I want you to know I have amazing people in my life helping me in opening into more love so that we will reunite soon in this lifetime.


People like Azra Bertrand and Seren Swannesha Bertrand, like JahSun White Eagle Martini and his family, and so many others/mentors/supporters/other participants of the Womb Awakening journey’s, as well as many other family and friends that hold us in the highest light of love.

I feel so blessed. I feel so loved.

I know my work in healing may not ever end like piling many layers of an onion in order to get to the heart of pure love, but I wonder how much of the pain I do feel in my heart is just longing for you, for Divine Union and Sacred Feminine Partnership with my Twin Soul.

I know I also feel more anger and rage in my heart space and sadness I need to still work on, but still, I can feel a whole new level of my heart being cracked open when in your presence, and I will work on as much as I can for however long it takes, no matter what.

How much of this heart pain is just my longing for you Divine Twin Soul, how much is from my hunger to be in Sacred Union again?

Thank you all for reading, for your love and support!

Many blessings,
Jeremy Dylan Creager

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Oct 29

Now With Completion Crack My Heart Open And Let Come What May!

By Jeremy Creager | FREEdom , Jeremy Creager , Personal Growth , Relationships , Unconditional Love

Now with completion…

I welcome new energies of more love and innocence…

With the doors of completion closed with and in love behind me I stand in an open field of new possibilities…

Freedom from emotional shackles that no longer tied me down or hold me back…

I look in front of me into the unknown and all I see is guaranteed more love for me…

With help from my dear friends I now know that my authentic vulnerability is perfect protection and empowering to me…

I have learned a deeper level of forgiveness within me and and that I now have for others…

I am filled with gratitude for I am grateful for all the pain and how it all went down because it has led me to where I am at now, the pain has showed me my way on this path deep into the depths of my shadows where I have found healing and growth that I was not able to be consciously aware of before…

I feel inner peace…
My heart is open with love and filling up more and more with more love…

Today was a blessed day!
And tomorrow will be too!

I pray that all those who love and support me are blessed 10 fold and then a hundred times over again…

Thank you…

Many blessings,
Jeremy Dylan Creager

PS. Crack my heart open and let come what may!

Authentic vulnerability is perfect protection. ~ Francisco Jara


Oct 23

~ My Sexual Shadow Desires and Dissatisfaction ~

By Jeremy Creager | Jeremy Creager , Personal Growth , Relationships , Sexuality Awareness , Shadow Work

Here is my writing for today as my heart pounds in fear to share this with you all…

Been really feeling this intense energetic pain in my chest for the last 2 weeks and so looking forward to moving through and past this energy, so really hoping that sharing this shadow out in the light will help release it.

My apologies for how long this one is, normally I try to shorten them but this is all that just needed to be said.

Here you go, enjoy!

~ My Sexual Shadow Desires and Dissatisfaction ~

I feel this shadow is really hard for me to drop into and write about right now…

This one brings up shame and wants to stay in secrecy.

And yet I also in the past have written about this before a few times.

So let me drop down into this shadow of sexual desires and dissatisfaction as i call forth to feel it fully.

In this stage of my life at age 34 as a single man that has been consciously working on my relationship with this specific shadow for quite a while now.

I feel at times intensely both the desire to explore deeper into these shadows and on the other side I feel the pure innocent desire to transcend these sexual shadows and return back to love and innocence with my relationship to women and the feminine both within and without.

Hence this writing process of open honest vulnerability speaking my truth around these shadows…

One of the first things that is coming up for me is my physical sexual desires for some of my female friends (that I feel are not my beloved twin soul), but yet a desire at times for them because they are sexy and beautiful physically to me as well as the friendship and already quality connection we have.

On many levels at least in the past, given the right time and space I am/have been open to connect with almost any woman sexually just for the pure physical pleasure of it.

But I also want heart connection with love as I know that kind of sexual experiences for me are the best with someone of loving connection on a heart and soul level is the best for me.

Ultimately I know deep down I truly want true love sacred union with my divine partner soulmate twin flame loving intimacy and only this kind of sexual connection with my beloved.

I feel that my sexual shadow desires has in the past sometimes wanted to play with lower vibrational frequency women without heart and soul connection for fear of getting hurt emotionally, so in some ways it has felt safe to connect sexually with women I know I would not “fall for” in a romantic relationship way…

As I write this I am feeling I want to drop down deeper into this, into these feelings and into these shadows.

Into the forbidden, into the taboo, into the socially conditioned shamefulness of sexual desires.

Into the seduction and manipulation of women to “get” sex…

Into paying for a woman’s body for sexual connection and release.

Into the shadow desire of sexually using a woman and her body…

Into just the idea of and my desire of watching porn, even the kind of forced sex, rape for the wanting to punish her to punish the feminine, or even the idea of using her body sexually when she is sleeping and passed out…

Why, what is the attraction for all this and for gang banging and degrading, miss using and abusing a woman sexually?

Why does part of me want & desire the pure innocence and loving sexual connection with a woman and another part of me, the shadow part of me wants no heart, soul and emotional connection but rather desires only physical limited pleasure and gratification in a way that perceives Women without souls, but instead just their bodies used as possessions for a man’s pleasure.

Is this not sickening?
What is this evil inside of me, inside of a mans psyche?

I so deeply in my darkest shadow desire sex from women, to cover up, to hide from, and suppress down, ironically my anger pain and sadness with and around my relationship to women and the feminine.

For all the times I was hurt and felt betrayed, left, cheated on and abandoned by women in my life, for all the times I was not wanted, not desired back, was used for my good heart but teased by there sexual wilds with no intentions of really connecting with me on a sexual level…

Look but no touch…
Tease but no play…

So many women will “give it up” for money but not for love or intimacy… I mean really, how easy is it for a man to wave fucking cash in some women’s faces to get them to have sex, but tell them your open to a loving sexual connection for the fun and pleasure of it, and its like I am the evil one, the creep, the weird guy or the poor lustful man that they can use and manipulate to get what they want.

All that plus more built up inside of me, the pain sadness and anger in my heart.

I in my wounded space just want sex to take it out on women with lower level sexual interactions, because I feel lost, helpless, confused, hopeless, lonely, desperate, not worthy, unloved, shameful, and betrayed by the women in my life and the women of this world.

All of this brings up Dissatisfaction within and for me…

As awesome, wonderful, beautiful learning growth lessons I have had with women in my life and the relationships I have had in the past, that still there is this level of dissatisfaction that makes me mad for the pain and sadness I feel in my heart and soul…

Even when I have acted out of my sexual shadow desires with women over and over again and again even with some of the physical gratification yet still and always there is that underlining dissatisfaction I feel.

To me sex almost always feels good on a physical level but without love present there is always a feeling of dissatisfying feeling afterwards and sometime during and before the act.

This also includes self pleasuring as well for me…

As much as I have grown to be discussed with porn, yet I still have not been fully able to let it go and this brings dissatisfaction to me as well.

It’s like this endless downward spiral cycle of dissatisfaction in my chest heart space that I want to suppress pushed down and numb by having more dissatisfying sex without love and true intimacy that in turn just adds to and builds more of the same uncomfortable feeling in my heart and chest.

Dissatisfaction that I have not yet healed these sexual shadows within me.

Dissatisfaction for the collective programing and conditioning within our society of these sexual shadow desires that we are born into and including all the sexual abuse passed down within our cellular memory DNA…

The anger and sadness about all this in my heart is dissatisfying to me.

What these Sexual Shadow Desires and Dissatisfactions are trying to save me from is fully feeling all the pain within around my feeling of disconnect with the feminine…

It’s trying to save me from being more hurt by women and my relationship with them…

It’s trying to save me from surrendering in what has seemed to be (and in my judgment generally speaking) a unsafe world of women that are mostly conditioned to be not loyal and unfaithful, not honest even to themselves and insecure selfish little girls that don’t know what they want trapped in a woman’s body repressed of their own personal power trying to manipulate their way out within their own anger and rage towards men that they don’t trust…

It’s trying to save me from “falling in love” with the wrong woman again…

It’s trying to save me from healing and growing to a level where I would give up and not at all want to play in any of my sexual shadow realms again, for fear of loss or the illusion of loss, as in loss of sexual opportunities that I would no longer be interested in from a state of true love and innocence.

What my Sexual Shadow Desires and Dissatisfactions want the world to know that I am not perfect, that I feel deep pain of separation to the feminine and for the true longing for divine feminine union with sacred masculine both within and without.

It wants the world to know that I want forgiveness, that I want to be forgiven and that I want to forgive my past relationships, and the women and the feminine in my life I feel hurt from.

It wants the world to know that I am sorry for all my wrong doing with my sexual shadows.

It wants the world to know that I am scared of true love as much as I long for it, that I won’t recognize it if it was standing in front of me.

My sexual shadow desires and dissatisfactions needs safety, needs to be honored and loved, needs forgiveness, needs to be nurtured, held, excepted and supported in healing of growth back home to love and innocence.

In my body this sexual shadow desires and dissatisfactions feels like intense energetic emotional pain, sharp deep and heavy in my chest like an endless black whole, a void missing the one and only true thing that matters in life, true love and connection to pure innocence with my beloved and the divine feminine in union with sacred masculine, both and first within me and without.

It feels exhausted and tired in my arms and legs…

If feels like a burning in my upper chest and throat…

It feels like shame behind my eyes.

The color of this sexual shadow desires and dissatisfactions for me is blood Red and Black.

Thank you for letting me share this journey of my sexual shadow desires and dissatisfactions with you.

Many Blessings,
Jeremy Dylan Creager


PS. As always I welcome your comments, questions and feedback below, and feel free to share as well. Thank you!

Oct 19

My Shadow Fear, of Not Being Worthy of Love

By Jeremy Creager | Jeremy Creager , Personal Growth , Relationships , Shadow Work

Jeremy Creager A journey on the dark side where my shadows hide my fear of not being worthy of love…

More pain in my heart, my body shakes and is petrified scared to death that I will die alone without true love sacred union in my life.

For all the times I saw the beauty in a woman and desired her love to be mine, then consumed with what seems like endless rejection followed by more pain inside.

If I had a dime for all the times they said I wasn’t their “type” I would be a rich man but still lonely every night.

For all the relationships I have been in and gave all of my love to them waiting for them to meet me in the depths of my heart but instead eventually feeling like my heart was being ripped apart as so many of them left me for another man.

How can I be worthy of love if I can not find a woman to love me for all that I am?

Yes I know that I won’t attract this woman into my life until I love me for all that I am…

But sometimes its just so hard to love me with all my shadows and egoic patterns of an insecure man…

How can i be worthy of love if I am not that smart, if I am to short, going bald, not rich and don’t have six pack abs?

Why would I be worthy of love if I am lazy at times, if I make poor financial investments and if I cry from the pain I feel inside, the sadness and madness that I project out onto the world but is really just mine?…

I don’t feel worthy of love when I lust for sex, for a woman’s body when there’s no heart connection yet I still want to be inside…

I don’t feel worthy of love when I am not clear on my life mission and soul fulfilling sacred vocation…

I don’t feel worthy of love when I am scared to face all of my fears, and when I hide behind masks of illusions terrified of others judgments and opinions of me….

My fear of not being worthy of love is trying to save me from disappointment, embarrassment and shame of my insecurities…

It’s trying to save me from being hurt again, from more pain in my heart and being let down again…

This fear of not being worthy of love is trying to save me from my vulnerability and tender heart being taken advantage of…

This fear of not being worthy of love is trying to save me from the struggle and strength and courage it must take to heal my deep wounds that get in the way for me to feel worthy of true love sacred divine union.

My shadow fear of not being worthy of love wants the world to know that I am imperfect and want to be loved for all of who I am.

It wants the world to know that even with my fears of not being worthy of love, I truly know that I am worthy of love even in all my shadows and fears.

It wants the world to know that I am love and I have so much love to give, and that it is my deepest desire to be loved and to love fully my beloved in sacred union and divine partnership.

My fear of not being worthy of love needs me to surrender deeper into this fear and nurture it with love, in love and for love.

It needs safety and trust in myself and in others to except me fully for all that I am…

It needs to know that I am not alone in this fear and that the collective shares this with me and cares for me and heals with me the more we love ourselves…

In my body this fear of not being worthy of love feels like a caving in and gaping black hole in my chest…

Not being worthy of love feels like a deep sharp pain in my heart…

A heaviness of shame on my four head and eyelids, arms week and tingly shaky hands sweaty…

This feeling of not being worthy of love makes me feel vulnerable in my heart, shame in my belly and weak in my legs.

The color of this fear of not being worthy of love, to me looks like green and orange.

Thank you for letting me share with you my shadow fears of not being worthy of love,

Many Blessings back to being worthy of love,

Jeremy Creager up in a tree

Jeremy Creager
PS. Please share and leave your comments below!


Oct 18

My Humble Apologies To Her

By Jeremy Creager | Relationships

My creative writing, inspired by the feminine that cuts me off shuts me out and stops communication with me.

In my humble apologies, I am sorry if I offended you, if I made you feel uncomfortable, if I was wrong about you or if I wronged you in anyway I am sorry.

I know that my direct honesty and intensity can be overwhelming and too much sometimes.

I apologize if I move too fast for you, or if I drop down to deep where the uncomfortableness and unknown lives.

I am sorry if my energy creeps you out because I know I am weird without a doubt.

I apologize if my shadows scare you because I do not mean them to.

My deepest apologies if I bring up fear in you by expressing my love with you.

For I long deeply in vulnerability to connect with intimacy of the heart straight from the start.

I am sorry that I am not very good at getting to know you on a superficial level because I’m not so interested in your personality when in reality I want to know the essence of you.

Forgive me for my desire to merge with you at your core to become one heart in love with you forever more.

Jeremy Dylan Creager

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